Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
