I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
