i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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