Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
