He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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