Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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