You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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