so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
