I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
