Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
