Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
