So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
