Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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