1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
