He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
