would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
