So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
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you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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