i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
