I think I am morally bankrupt
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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