dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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