he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
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We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
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Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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