Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
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Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
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I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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