she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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