This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
