You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
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Be still, my beating vagina.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
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It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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