It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
