I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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