Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
