just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
