I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize