My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
