She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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