I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
