Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize