is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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