Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
