I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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