i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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