you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
