I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
