I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize