do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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