Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
