btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.