He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.