I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
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I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.