Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.