youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
