the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
