Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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