please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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