My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
