Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Randomize
