By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
