His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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