Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
