you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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