We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
