hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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