Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
