So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
