He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
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I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
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Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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