I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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