garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just threw up on my dentist
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
