AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
