I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
