Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
