May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
