We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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