hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
